Trailer Park Ed Boys
by deathbearABC123
Summary: The Ed's of the cul-de-sac meet the boys of Sunnyvale Trailer Park.
1. Chapter 1 Canadians are weird and Americ

**Disclaimer: _Ed Edd n Eddy_ is owned and property of Danny Antonucci and Cartoon Network, and _Trailer Park Boys_ is owned and property of Mike Clattenburg, Showcase, and Netflix. I own nothing. **

**A/N: Will contain grammar and spelling mistakes for Rickyisms.**

* * *

It was a sunny day in the cul-de-sac and the neighborhood kids were all out enjoying this nice day. Of course Eddy was ready to capitalize on this as the perfect time to put his latest money making scam into action.

"Ladies and germs!" Eddy shouted into a makeshift megaphone. "Come one, come all and be the first to catch a ride on Ed's flight of fun!"

Eddward, or as everyone else called him, Double D sighed at Eddy's declaration. The idea for today's scam was to construct an airplane out of materials from the junkyard, most notably the van with the shag carpeting and waterbed making up the main body of said plane with a few pieces of cardboard and metal taped to the side as the wings. Ed had not so discretely tied a rope connecting to two light posts with the plane pulling the rope back taught so that when pulled would launch their scam and give it the illusion that they were flying. A thin board being the only thing that held the rope in place from launching forward and sending the van flying.

Most of the kids seemed to ignore Eddy's sales pitch and continued to go about their own activities, no doubt they were wise to Eddy's scam. The only one who seemed to show any interest was that of Johnny and his ever present best friend Plank.

"Wow!" Johnny exclaimed admiring the faux airplane. Eddy seemed to sense Johnny's interest as he began to amp up his pitch.

"Adventure into the land of the birds and get the chance to look at everyone like ants!" Eddy announced. "All for the low price of twenty five cents!"

"Well boy howdy!" Johnny said excitedly as he dug into his pocket to retrieve a shiny quarter. Eddy extended the money jar as he watched greedily as Johnny was about to drop the coin into the jar. Just about as he was about to let the coin fall Johnny brought Plank close to his ear. "Huh? What's that?" Johnny suddenly withdrew his hand before he could let go of the coin, and Eddy's face fell. "Plank says it doesn't look very safe."

"Yeah, well what does Plank know?!" Eddy asked quite irritated that he was denied the cash. "I mean just look at the state of the art wind resistant wings." Eddy gestured to uneven cardboard taped to the side. "Take a look inside at our first class luxury seating," Eddy opened the side door to show off the hippie designed interior, as well as Ed in the driver's seat who for some odd reason was wearing a sailor hat on his head. Ed game a salute while wearing his trademark grin.

To further emphasize his point Eddy climbed in the "plane" and took a seat on the water bed which jiggled from the weight put on it. "Double D come in here and show 'em what some of these buttons do," Eddy told him.

Double D knew very well that the buttons did absolutely nothing, but the whole point was for people to think that they did. Opening the passenger door Double D took a seat next to the lovable oaf Ed.

Eddy grinned as Double D began to go off on a tangent about what each of the buttons did, all the while making up what role they played in flying the plane. Any moment now Johnny would be handing over his cash which would go towards buying jawbreakers. His fantasy of sucking on the candy was interrupted when Ed's voice called out: "Countdown to lunch!"

"What are you talking about lumpy?" Eddy asked thinking it was just Ed being Ed. However when he saw the shock on Double D's face he knew something was up. Looking out the window he saw Johnny standing on the sidewalk with Plank standing next to him, but what concerned him was that Plank seemed to have the board that was holding the rope in place.

With the loss of the board the rope was able to perform its purpose and launched the van. Causing the three occupants inside to be tossed around due to the force.

"Gracious!" Double D yelled as he flew through the van, all the while keeping a hand on his hat to make sure it would not fall off.

"Whoa!" Eddy exclaimed as well as he was bouncing off the walls like a pinball.

"Moo!" Ed said as he flapped his arms trying to fly.

Double D managed to grab hold of the driver's seat and pull himself into it and securing the seatbelt. He was startled to see that the van appeared to actually be up in the air at the moment, key words at the moment. Just how did they get air born? It wasn't physically possible, but then again Ed had lifted the van single handily and positioned it in the cul-de-sac.

"Gentlemen," Double D called into the back of the van where his two companions were now pinned against the back doors, with Ed squishing Eddy. "I suggest you hold onto something, because we are losing altitude at a rapid pace!"

"English sock head!" Eddy shouted as he poked his head out from its sandwiched position between Ed and the door.

"I mean we're falling!" Double D yelled back.

Before any of the Ed's could further react the van collided with the ground tearing up the ground as it skidded to a halt. After a few seconds the back doors opened to reveal Ed with Eddy clutched tightly around him. "Land ho!" Ed said "I claim this territory in the name of gravy."

Upon hearing Ed's abnormal declaration Eddy shook his head to clear it from the shock of collision. "Yeah, yeah good for you lumpy," Eddy told his friend. "Where's Double D?" as Eddy asked the question, a faint noise could be heard from the front of the van. Walking around to the front Eddy saw Double D strapped into the driver's seat holding tight onto the wheel slightly turning it as if he were driving. The fear and shock very evident on his face.

Ed opened the door and pulled Double D out, seat and steering wheel included. "Are you okay Double D?" Ed asked his friend.

"Thank goodness for seatbelts," Double D said as he began to get over his shock.

"Yeah lucky you sock head," Eddy said. "While you get a seatbelt I get caught between the door and the lug."

"That's me," Ed said smiling at the fact that they weren't hurt.

"So where'd we land anyhow?" Eddy asked Double D, who let go of the wheel and unbuckled himself from the chair.

"Your guess is as good as mine Eddy," Double D told him. "But I suggest we try and find some sort of landmark or any other market that may be an indication as to where we landed."

"So just wander around until we find something?" Eddy asked trying his best to summarize the other boy's plan as simple as he possibly could.

"Well…in essence I suppose you can phrase it like that," Double D admitted.

Ed, in his usual bizarre fashion began to sniff at the air. "Oh let's got that way." Ed pointed towards a small grove of trees. "I smell food. Food for Ed!" Ed ran towards the trees with his arms flailing around behind him as he did so.

"Come on!" Eddy said to Double D as he took off after Ed.

"Never a moments rest," Double D said to himself as he began at a brisk pace after his two friends.

* * *

As Double D made his way through the short grove of trees he began to smell what Ed must have been smelling, it smelled like cheeseburgers. As he exited the grove he bumped into Ed and Eddy who were standing stock still. "Pardon me fellows, but what appears to be the problem…" Double D trailed off as he took in their surrounding: they were in the trailer park. While all the Ed's had vastly different personalities they could all relate to the feeling of fear when it came to the trailer park as it was Kanker territory.

"We're not in Kansas anymore Eddy," Ed said as he began to sweat.

"You can say that again," Eddy said as his eyes darted nervously around trying to spot out their tormentors.

"We're not in Kansas anymore Eddy," Ed repeated.

As nervous as Double D was about being in the Kanker territory something seemed a bit different. For starters there seemed to be more trailers here than there were before, and Double D was positive there hadn't been a sign or a gate before. Looking closer Double D was able to spot the words Sunnyvale, most likely the name of the trailer park. Was it possible that this was not the Kanker's park? as Double D considered this possibility a beaten up old car that was missing its passenger side door drove past the trio as it headed to one of the trailers. As it passed Double D was able to spot the license plate, which much to his shock was Canadian.

Looking around he saw that some trailers had cars parked outside of them, all of which had Canadian license plates. How was that possible? Had they really landed in Canada? Considering their geographical location they were relatively close to Canada, but to have landed here from Peach Creek seem like bit of a stretch. As Double D continued to ponder over this unlikely event the two other Ed's were still worried about the possible Kanker ambush.

"They're going to make kissy faces at us!" Ed wailed.

"I just want to let you know if that happens, I'm not gonna cry," Eddy said although he didn't quite sound so convinced himself.

"We're only children!" Ed yelled.

"Actually Ed I don't believe we have to worry about any Kankers," double D said in an attempt to calm Ed down.

"What do you mean sock head?" Eddy asked. "We're in the trailer park."

"Correction," Double D said. "We are in A trailer park not THE trailer park."

"Well what other trailer park is there?" Eddy asked.

"I have a theory, a rather outlandish one, but I do believe that when our makeshift plane crashed we landed in Canada."

"Canadians are weird," Ed said repeating the phrase from when they made squirt guns out of turkey basters.

Eddy chuckled at Ed's statement. "Yeah be sure to tell them that lumpy."

"All joking aside," Double D said, "I do believe we should concentrate our efforts onto repairing the van and determining our most efficient way of returning home."

"Can we eat first Double D?" Ed asked as his stomach let loose a mighty rumble.

"Yeah I'm starved," Eddy said "Let's grab some grub."

"Ahem," Double D cleared his throat.

"Gazoontite ," Ed said.

"May I remind you gentlemen that we do not possess the proper currency to acquire sustenance?" Double D asked.

"Relax Double D," Eddy said. "Canadians are a generous people, my brother always said so." With that Eddy began to walk off towards the smell of food with Ed not far behind him. Double D followed soon after, since it would be best if he were there in the case Eddy tried to scam someone out of their food.

* * *

Turning the corner around one of the trailers the Ed's spotted a redheaded woman eating a cheeseburger. Approaching the woman Double D decided to make an introduction. "Salutations," Double D addressed the woman. "My companions and I recently here today, and we were curious as to if you could point us in the direction of where we might possibly be able to obtain some food."

"Oh you mean like cheeseburgers?" the woman asked to which Ed and Eddy nodded their heads. "Randy's giving them out. He's a few trailers away. My name's Sarah."

Something seemed to go off in Ed's head when he heard the redheads name was Sarah. "Baby sister is all grown up!" Ed yelled and then wrapped his arms around his two friends and pulled them close. "We are in the future."

"Let go Ed!" Eddy said as he yanked Ed's arm off of him.

"Is he okay?" Sarah asked.

"Oh yes," Double D told her. "He just tends to get a little overexcited at times is all."

"Good for a moment there I thought Ricky might have sold him some drugs," Sarah told them.

"Drugs?" Double D asked completely appalled at the thought of the dangerous substances. "Who would ever consider selling such things?"

"The guys walking this way right now," Sarah said.

The Ed's turned to look behind them to see two guys walking down the street. The taller and more muscular one had black hair and a goatee and was wearing a black shirt and for some strange reason was holding a glass in his one hand. The other had brown hair with long sideburns, as well as a moustache. He wore a short sleeve black and white button down as well black track pants. Both of them were being followed by a camera crew.

"Hey Sarah," the one in the black shirt said. "You seen Bubbles around?"

"Yeah Julian," Sarah answered. "He was getting a cheeseburger at Randy's."

"Friggin' Randy," the one wearing track pants said.

"Who are these guys?" the one called Julian asked.

"Greetings," Double D said. "Allow me to introduce ourselves my name is Eddward, and these are my companions Ed and Eddy." Double D gestured to the other two Ed's.

"Hey," Ricky greeted while Julian nodded his head.

"Come on Rick," Julian said, "let's go find Bubbles so we can talk business. See you later Sarah." Julian never even saw Eddy's eyes start to resemble dollar signs at the mention of business.

* * *

As the two trailer park residents walked down the road towards Lahey and Randy's trailer they were met with the sight of their lifelong friend Bubbles. "Hey boys," Bubbles greeted them. "Just got back from Randy's I got a cheeseburger, look."

"Bubbles don't eat that shit," Ricky told him. "It came from Randy it's probably as greasy as he is."

"Well I know that Ricky," Bubbles said. "I just figured one of my kitties might like it is all. Growing kitties have to eat I mean they're just like babies only with fur and tails."

"Look Bubbles," Julian said wanting to get right down to business. "What's the word have you heard anything?"

"I sure have Julian," Bubbles said. "Rush is coming back to town this weekend."

"Alright perfect," Julian said as his worked in favor of his latest get rich quick scheme. "That concert is the perfect place to sell our surplus weed." Julian had to hand it to Ricky for as dumb as he could be he had his moments, and growing additional weed plants had been one of them. The plan was to sneak the weed into the concert and sell it to the fans because as Ricky had phrased it: "There's nothing better than getting fucking stoned at a concert."

"Only things we need now are tickets and people willing to make a quick buck by smuggling this inside the concert," Julian concluded.

"Quick buck!" A voice yelled off from the distance. Turning around Julian saw the one short boy from before dragging his two friends along by their collars to where he, Ricky, and bubbles now stood. "We're in!" the one named Eddy said.

"Vroom vroom!" Ed happily exclaimed when Eddy came to a stop.

"What in the fuck?" Ricky asked to no one in particular at the sudden appearance of the three kids.

"Quick buck," Eddy repeated. "You can count the Ed's in!"

"Eddy please!" Double D protested as he pried himself free of the vice like grip Eddy had on his shirt. "I'm terribly sorry gentlemen Eddy can become a bit carried away by the prospect of making money when we should be labeling getting home our top priority at the moment."

"Can it sock head!" Eddy said. "Way I see it we make money we get to go home, so come on what's the plan."

Julian just scoffed. "Look I see you're new in around here so you should know the business we do its not kid stuff, alright?"

"I don't know Julian," Ricky said. "They could help us out. I mean Corey and Trevor are stuck on committee service because they fucked up big time, besides Trinity and her friends helped me out with those barbeques that one time so no big deal."

"No it is a big deal Ricky," Bubbles chimed in. "It isn't right to get kids involved in your little scheme."

"Pssht," Eddy scoffed. "We might be kids but where we come from we're the scam masters. The neighborhood kids don't even know where their money goes."

Bubbles let out a series of chuckles. "Sounds like you when you were a kid Julian."

"Yeah remember that one Halloween?" Ricky asked. "We got real fucking drunk and fucked up Lahey's car."

"Cool," Ed said. "Swearing. The censors are gone."

"Look," Julian said pinching the bridge of his nose with the hand not holding his drink. "Scamming kids is one thing but the business we're in we can't have anything get messed up."

"Chill out Julian," Ricky said. "They can't be any worse than Corey and Trevor those two are always fucking up when it comes to our dope."

"Dope?" Eddy asked as he began to realize what kind of business these guys were involved in.

"Yeah dope," Ricky said. "You know, weed, pot, hash, dope."

"Do you see now Eddy?!" Double D asked in a frantic tone. "You can't just go around and just offer up our services all willy nilly! Instead you should be trying to help think of a way for us to go home!"

"Good dope sells for a couple hundred dollars," Ricky said and any doubt that plagued Eddy's face suddenly disappeared.

"We're in!" Eddy boldly declared.

"Private property Ed reporting for duty!" Ed agreed probably not even knowing what he was fully agreeing to.

"Absolutely not!" Double D objected. "The two of you should feel ashamed of yourselves! Our scams in the cul-de-sac, despite how ridiculous and my unease towards them, they were always rather harmless but this is crossing the line my friends!"

"You guys should listen to him," Julian advised the two Ed's. "We got too much riding on this and Lahey is suspicious of us already so we can't have anything going wrong. You're with me on this right Bubbles."

"I don't think kids should be selling dope Julian," Bubbles agreed. "But you know if they need cash they can help us out some other way."

"What d'ya mean buddy?" Ricky asked.

"Well they said they need money to get back home to…"

"America," Eddy filled in.

"America?" Ricky repeated. "Americans are fucked why go back there? I hear you can't even smoke in jail down there, what's up with that shit?"

"Oh the vulgarity!" Double D said in shame while Ed and Eddy snickered at the use of profanity.

"Well anyways," Bubbles getting back on his train of thought. "It isn't right to have kids sell the dope, but they could sneak it in to the concert for us to sell."

"Yeah," Ricky said. "Security guards are dumb as fuck no way they would search kids. What'd think Julian?"

Julian seemed to be mulling the possibilities over and over in his head. After a moment of silence he finally said: "You guys better not mess up."

"Victory for Ed!"

"And we get a cut of the cash right?" Eddy asked. His voice filled with greed.

"You guys get the stuff in without getting caught and you get your cut," Julian told him. "Just remember this isn't a game if you get caught me and Ricky get caught."

"Yeah just don't fuck up like Corey and Trevor normally would and it's all easy squeezy melon wheezy," Ricky added.

"Alright," Julian said. "Bubbles you know anyone who's selling tickets cheep?"

"Well yeah J-Roc has some he was the one who told me they were coming to town," Bubbles replied.

"Oh this is perfect," Ricky said. "He owes me a favor, come on boys we're burning sunflowers."

* * *

The Ed's followed the three men through the trailer park as they arrived at one that must have been J-Roc's. On the deck there was a turntable set up as well as a few speakers. Playing around with the turntable was a dark skinned man and a white man with a bandana tied around his head. When the bandana man noticed the six of them walking towards them he said: "Hey Ricky, Julian, Bubbles. What's goin' on mothafuckas?"

"Hey J-Roc," Julian greeted. "Listen we need tickets to the Rush concert and we heard you were selling."

"You came to the right man Jules," J-Roc proudly said. "Now let's talk cash so-,"

"Hold on you owe me for the hash I sold you," Ricky interrupted. "No fuckin' way we're paying."

"Yeah you gave me the dope boy but I never got to smoke that shit, right T?"

"Look," the man now known as T said. "His mom busted him it took all of it away."

Eddy snickered. "This guy lives with his mom?" he whispered to Ed and Double D.

"Yeah," J-Roc said. "She busted me which was whack, know what I'm sayin'? Didn't even get to light up so way I sees it I don't smokes it I don't owes it. Know what I'm sayin'? Know what I'm sayin'? So if you's wants tickets it gonna cost a couple hundred."

"You're really going to make us pay you dick?!" Ricky asked with anger present in his tone.

"Besides you still owe me for stealing all those groceries for Ray, that phantom three o nine mothafucka," J-Roc defended.

"Don't bring my fucking dad into this J-Roc!" Ricky yelled.

"Ricky calm down!" Bubbles said putting a hand on Ricky's shoulder in an attempt to calm him down. "We'll just find a way to get the money for J-Roc. Alright?"

"We'll get the money for you J-Roc don't worry," Julian said as he took a sip of his drink and walked away with the others following him.

As they walked Ed said: "I know what he was saying."

"Shut up Ed," Eddy said.

* * *

Double D really did not want to be in this situation. Ricky's car was a deathtrap that Double D had no idea how it even managed to pass inspection judging by how rundown and damaged it was. There weren't even any seatbelts in the backseat where he currently found himself sitting. Ricky was taking the two of them out into the town as a way to raise money to buy the tickets, while Eddy and Julian were staying behind in the park. Eddy had noticed a group of kids that seemed to get enjoyment out of throwing bottles, so he and Julian were gathering up empty ones and selling them to the kids. Completely barbaric in his opinion, but Eddy was a sucker for a quick buck.

"Alright listen," Ricky said as he drove through the park. "Bumblebee I'm dropping you off at the mall to meet up with Bubbles you're helping him out so don't fuck up."

Double D was glad that he wasn't working with Ricky. The man's tendency to spew profanity and his multiple grammar mistakes were too much for Double D to handle. "I understand," Double D told him. "And my nickname is Double D, not Bumblebee."

"Yeah that's what I said," Ricky said. "And Ed you're working with me alright, so don't do anything stupid."

Ed meanwhile was leaning out of the space where the door should have been letting his tongue fly in the wind like a dog. "Something tells me this is a bad combination," Double D mumbled to himself.

Ricky kept driving until he was forced to come to a stop at the entrance of the park. "What the fuck is this?" Ricky said as he noticed that the gate to get into and out of the park was currently lowered. "You guys see this shit?" Ricky turned to ask the two kids he had with him.

"Um, Ricky," Double D said pointing outside of the car. Turning to look what he was pointing at Ricky was met with the sight of Randy's big furry gut right in front of his face.

"Frig off Randy," Ricky said as he stuck his arm out the car window to shove the shirtless man away. "Open the fucking gate already."

"Going somewhere Ricky?" Lahey asked as he came stumbling around and rested his arm on the car, most likely to keep himself upright from all he had been drinking.

"As a matter of fuck I am Lahey," Ricky said annoyed that he had to now deal with the drunkest bastard he ever had to meet. "So why don't you and your cheeseburger walrus over there open the gate and let me the fuck out."

The remark about the cheeseburger walrus caused Ed to laugh. "He even has a blowhole," Ed said as he laughed.

"What's this?" Lahey asked as he eyed the two Ed's from behind his sunglasses. "Few more shit-apples?"

"I apologize for my friend's remark," Double D said from the back. "He meant no disrespect I assure you."

"You boys better watch yourselves," Lahey warned the Ed's. "Hanging around a shit-flame like Ricky will only spark shitaggeddon."

"Hey Lahey knock-knock," Ricky said getting real tired of the drunk trailer park supervisor.

"Who's there Ricky?" Lahey asked in mock humor.

"A guy who's so piss drunk that he can't even stand up right, and who still thinks he's a fucking cop even after he got fucking fired for fucking up big time, and the only reason he still has this job is because his wife owns the fucking trailer park, and now he and his fucking walrus sidekick who's about to burst with all the cheeseburgers he's been eating better open the fucking gate before I just smash right through it," Ricky ranted.

"Now hold on a second Ricky!" Randy said angrily, but Lahey raised his hand before he could say more.

"Alright Ricky," Lahey said as he backed away from the car. "Open the gate Randers." Randy hesitated for a moment before raising the gate. "Just remember Ricky the shit hawks are coming. They're flying real low shitting on people."

"Frig off jackass," Ricky said as he slammed on the gas driving away from the park and into the town.

* * *

As promised Ricky dropped Double D off at the mall before he drove off with Ed. Looking around the parking lot he spotted Bubbles standing near a small hill waving to him.

"Greetings Bubbles," Double D said the man. "What is the reason we are here exactly?"

"Well come on I'll show you," Bubbles said as he walked down the hill to where a bunch of shopping carts were laying around. "People come here all the time and just throw their shopping carts down here instead of returning them. And these are good carts too, so I figure we take some of these back to the park and fix 'em up."

Double D felt his spirit lift at the news. He was convinced that the three trailer park friends were nothing but criminals, but knowing that one of them cared enough to repair the property of a respectable establishment ignited a spark of hope for the three.

"Well I have to say Bubbles as someone who upholds strong moral values I admit that this is the kind of work I value."

Bubbles bobbed his head. "Well come on grab a few carts and I'll show you where to take 'em." Double D did as was instructed and followed Bubbles to where a go-cart with a wagon attached to the back of it was parked. "This here's my go-cart Bubbles said with a wide smile. "You can ride in the wagon and we can tie the carts to end of it."

"If I may ask, who do we return these carts to after we've repaired them?" Double D asked.

"Well I have a friend Shitty Bill," Bubbles said while Double D was wondering if that was even a real name. "Once we've fixed these cocksuckers up he'll take off our hands." Double D could only nod his head at how bizarre Bubbles' statement just was.

* * *

"I gotta say," Ricky said to the camera crew as he lit a smoke. "I thought working with a kid was gonna suck but Ed's nothing like Corey and Trevor. You know he doesn't have any smokes I can steal off of him which kind of pissed me off, but we're out here stealing barbeques from one of the rich neighborhoods, which isn't really a big deal because they can just buy another one, and he's lifting two in each hand. It's like magic like that Harry Pothead and David Cloverfield."

"I got more grills!" Ed said as he stuffed more grills into the trunk of the shitmobile. As he was pushing them in one grill fell from his grasp and connected hard with the ground. "Ah fuck," Ed said as he pick the grill up and stuffed it back in the car.

"You see," Ricky said gesturing over his shoulder to Ed. "If Corey and Trevor would have fucked up like that I would have gots real fucking pissed off at them, but Ed, you know he's like learning and stuff I mean he makes me feel smart and I'm fucking dumb. But also I see bits and stuff of myself in him, I mean he's already picking up after me which is pretty cool. Maybe I can give him some tips if he ever wants to grow dope. And once we sell these barbeques off and make enough money to buy the tickets we are going to sell a fuck load of weed at that concert, get fucking rich, and get drunk as fuck, you make my words."


	2. Chapter 2 Best fuckin concert

**Disclaimer: _Ed Edd n Eddy_ is owned and property of Cartoon Network and Danny Antonucci, and _Trailer Park Boys_ is property of Mike Clattenburg and Showcase and Netflix. **

**A/N: Will contain spelling and grammar mistakes for Rickyisms.**

* * *

Later that day Ricky and Bubbles returned with Ed and Double D to the park to meet up with Julian and Eddy. "Hey boys," Julian greeted the others while Eddy held onto a stack of cash.

"Looks like you guys did okay," Bubbles said.

"We sure did," Julian told him.

"I can't believe it," Eddy said as he eyed the cash. "The kids here would just give up their allowance for a few empty bottles, makes me wish the kids back home were this easy to con."

"Me and Ricky sold a whole bunch of grills," Ed said. "It was a good fuckin time."

"Dear Lord!" Double D exclaimed at Ed's use of foul language. "Edward what would your mother say to you using that kind of language!"

"Aw fuck I'm sorry Double D," Ed apologized.

"Hey don't apologize Ed," Ricky advised. "I swore all the fuckin time when I were a kid it s just the way my brain work. I mean I gots words from the fuck department showing up all the time, no big deal."

"I think his mother would beg to differ," Double D remarked, although Ricky did not seem too concerned at all.

"What about you Bubbles?" Julian asked his other friend.

"Well me and Double D were able to wrangle up a bunch of carts and fixed those cocksuckers up good," Bubbles told him. "Shitty Bill stopped by to pick 'em up and paid a good price for 'em."

"Alright that's what I like to hear," Julian said as he raised his drink. "Bubbles you take the money and go get the tickets from J-Roc."

"You can count on me Julian," Bubbles said as he collected the money. "This is gonna be the best fuckin concert ever."

* * *

As Bubbles went to go purchase the tickets, Julian and Ricky took the Ed's to Julian's trailer where the harvested weed was being stored. "Oh my," Double D said as he looked at all of the weed. "You sure are…productive."

"Alright here's the plan," Julian said as he poured himself some more rum and coke. "When we leave for the concert tomorrow you three take as much weed as you can and hide it on your person, just don't make it obvious alright?"

"Yeah its simple," Ricky added. "Take the dope, hide the dope, give us dope to sell. Simple fuckin geometry."

" _What grade level does this man possess_?" Double D thought to himself as someone knocked on the door of Julian's trailer. Julian opened the door to allow bubbles inside.

"Julian I got the tickets," Bubbles said as he placed the tickets on the kitchen table.

"Good fuckin job buddy," Ricky said as he began to rummage through Julian's fridge in search of a beer.

"Well you shouldn't thank me right away Ricky," Bubbles said. "J-Roc only had three tickets."

"So?" Ricky asked not seeing what the big deal was.

"Ricky," Julian said about to explain what was wrong. "We have three tickets. How many of us are there."

"Six," Ricky answered. "I'm not that fucking stupid, I know basic geography." After about fifteen seconds Ricky's brain seemed to process the reality of the situation. "Fuck! We don't have enough!"

"Yeah I know Ricky," Julian said.

"So what are we going to fucking do?!" Ricky asked. "We need to get this dope in somehow."

"The sewers," Julian concluded. "The Ed's sneak into the concert through the sewers with the dope."

"I want to be a mutant," Ed said, happy at the prospect of getting to go in a sewer.

"That sounds completely unsanitary," Double D complained as he looked to Eddy hoping the other boy would object to the idea, and indeed Eddy did not appear thrilled at the prospect of traveling in a sewer, but if it meant making money he wasn't too opposed to the idea.

"Alright let's all get some rest," Julian said. "We got a big day ahead of us tomorrow."

"Fuck yeah," Ricky agreed as he opened another of Julian's beers and began drinking. "Tomorrow we get people fuckin stoned at concert."

Bubbles returned to his shed and Ricky to the shitmobile, while the Ed's opted to spend the night in the van they had arrived in. As the sun rose the next morning Ed decided to wake his friends with a loud: "Cock-a-doodle-do!" his shout was loud enough to shake the van in which they were sleeping, and severely aggravating the other two Ed's. "I'm a chicken," Ed laughed.

Later on in the day the Ed's made their way to Julian's trailer to begin the plan. "Alright," Julian said once they were all assembled. "You boys ready for this?"

"Sewer for Ed, that way I can smell like Sheldon."

"This better be good money," Eddy grumbled.

"I'm sorry gentlemen," Double D said. "But I cannot in good conscience go through with this endeavor."

"But Double D," Ed said. "We are three and three is six and six is one."

"As…touching as that statement is Ed," Double D said. "Involvement in drugs is something I do not wish to be associated with thank you very much."

"Come on Double D," Eddy urged. "Don't back out now."

"Sorry Eddy but crawling through a sewer to sneak into a concert to sell drugs is not my idea of an ideal way to make money. I will not participate in this scheme." With that said Double D walked out of the trailer without a backwards glance.

The two other Ed's stepped out onto the deck to see their sock headed friend walking away. Angrily Eddy yelled: "Fine! Who needs ya?!" While Ed was on the brink of tears, but before Ed could let loose the water works Ricky came out holding a handful of weed.

"Don't worry about him boys," Ricky said as he stuffed some of the weed into Ed's coat pockets. "He just didn't have what it tooks . Now take some of this weed. We gotta get going so we can sell this shit and get fuckin rich." Eddy quickly grabbed some of the weed and started shoving it into his pockets.

"Oh and if you get caught sneaking in just throw the name Jim out there," Ricky said.

* * *

Meanwhile as Double D walked down the street he passed two garbage cans that had the lids slightly ajar. He thought nothing of it until he heard rustling from inside one of the cans. "Holy fuck Mr. Lahey did you see that?" a voice asked. Double D took cover on the side of the nearest trailer and peeked out to see the shirtless man from before, Randy, pop out of the garbage can holding a pair of binoculars looking straight at Julian's trailer. "They're giving those drugs to those kids!"

"Shit sparks Randy," Mr. Lahey said as he popped out of the other trash can. He too had a pair of binoculars, but he was looking out the wrong end. "What did I tell ya Randy? Hang around with Ricky and the shit sparks will turn into shit flames." The man smelled so strongly of alcohol that Double D could smell it from he was positioned.

"Looks like they're leaving," Randy said as Ricky's car pulled away. "What do we do now?"

"Well," Lahey said as he pulled a bottle of liquor out from somewhere within the garbage, "I figure our friends down at the police station will be more than happy to come down here with a warrant to search Sexian's trailer." Lahey then proceeded to down the entire bottle of liquor in about twenty seconds without pause.

"Oh my," Double D said quietly to himself since he didn't believe anyone was capable of drinking all that liquor at once.

"Come on Randy," Lahey said as he tried to climb out of the trash can, only to have it fall down with him still inside and had to have Randy pull him out. "Let's go call the policeipoos."

"Well this is not going to end well," Double D said to himself.

* * *

Meanwhile at the concert center Ed was having a blast. Not only did he get to walk through a sewer, but he got to exit out of a toilet. "I am a whale!" Ed said as he flopped out of the toilet. "King of the fishes."

"Yeah well be thankful that n one was using the toilet," Eddy said as he pulled himself out of the toilet and wrung out his three strands of hair to get the toilet water out of them. "Now that we're in let's go find the guys." Eddy grabbed hold of Ed's monobrow and dragged him out of the bathroom.

After a while of walking around the crowd of fans they were able to spot the three trailer park residents. Most notably was Bubbles who was wearing a Rush tee shirt for the occasion. "Julian, Ricky look," Bubbles pointed to the two Ed's. "They fuckin made it."

"You guys got the dope?" Ricky asked as he lit himself a smoke. To answer his question Ed dug into his coat pocket, and after removing what looked to be a piece of cheese and a fish heads, pulled out some of the weed. "Fuckin nice!"

"Yeah yeah," Eddy said. "You guys just make sure we get a cut of this when you're done." He was still not happy with the fact that he had to crawl through a sewer and a toilet with Ed.

"Don't worry," Julian assured him. "You guys get a cut of this deal and the one tomorrow since our tickets are good for the whole weekend."

"Well you boys go on ahead," Bubbles said. "I don't want to miss a second of Rush."

"Don't worry buddy," Ricky said. "You guys go enjoy the concert me and Julian won't get all distraculated." Soon a loud cheering could be heard from the stage as the members of the band walked out.

"Holy fuck," Bubbles said. "Let's get going I don't want to miss closer to the heart." And the two Ed's followed close behind him.

* * *

A few hours later the boys and the Ed's crammed into the shitmobile and drove back to the park.

"Fuck that was a good fuckin concert," Ricky said as he himself lit a small joint from one of the leftovers.

"Don't go wasting the dope Ricky," Julian said from the passenger seat, his drink resting on the dashboard. "We need to save some for the show tomorrow."

"Don't be a dick Julian," Ricky told him. "Besides we gots lots more then enough for tomorrow."

"And we made a fuckton of cash," Bubbles added from the backseat where he sat with the two Ed's. Ed was absent mindedly rolling the window up and down, where as Eddy was hugging the stack of money close to himself and he appeared to be on the verge of tears of joy.

"Yeah so chill out Julian," Ricky said glad for the backup. "So I fuckin smoked a joint. No big deal we gots plenty more and-,"

"Oh fuck!" Julian said cutting Ricky off.

Ricky was about to ask what Julian's problem was when he saw it for himself. Outside of Julian's trailer were two cop cars as well as Lahey and Randy. "What the fuck is this?!" Ricky asked as he pulled up to the trailer.

"You guys hide that money!" Julian ordered to the three in the back. Eddy acted quickly and began to stuff the money under and in between the seats not wanting to lose the cash he so desperately craved.

Ricky parked the shitmobile and wasted no time in storming out to confront Lahey. "Hey Lahey! What the fuck is this shit?!"

"You're just in time boys," Lahey said with a slur to his voice indicating that he was once again drunk out of his mind. "Officer George and his buddies are about to put a stop to your little operation~."

"Yeah well does Officer Dickhead had a search warrinty?" Ricky asked trying to find a way to get the cops away.

"As a matter of fact we do," the voice of George Greene said from the deck of the trailer. "You mind letting us in Julian?"

Julian gave a long sigh knowing that they were busted. "Sure," he said in defeat as he opened the door of his trailer to allow the cops inside.

"Justice stings like shit on an open wound doesn't it?" Lahey asked Ricky, as he pulled a flask from his hip and began to chug.

As the cops came back outside Julian and Ricky prepared for the inevitable and were surprised when George said: "Is this some kind of joke Jim?"

"What do ya mean George?" Lahey asked as he began to wobble on his feet.

"Come take a look," George said from the deck and gestured for Julian and Lahey to come inside.

As Julian entered his trailer with Ricky he was surprised to see that weed they were keeping there for tomorrow's show was nowhere to be found. It was gone.

"Does this look like a trailer that's filled with weed Jim?" George asked Lahey who was looking around completely dumbfounded.

"You have to believe me George," Lahey pleaded. "Its hidden here somewhere I know it, I know it."

"Have you been drinking Jim?" George asked, although the way Lahey smelled it was obvious he knew the answer.

"I might have had… a few drinkypoos," Lahey admitted. "But they have the fucking weed here."

George just shook his head. "I'm sorry about the trouble Julian," he said as he and the other cops went back to their cars and drove off.

"This isn't over Julian," Lahey said as he pulled his flask back out and then dropped it. "You might have won the shit battle, but not the war of the shit."

"Hey Lahey," Ricky said, "Knock knock."

"Who's there?" Lahey asked in a tired tone.

Ricky raised his middle finger. "Fuck off." He noticed Randy standing in the doorway. "You fuck off too." Ricky raised his other middle finger. "The two of you go fuck out of here go spend the night in the drunk tank." He watched as Randy grabbed a hold of Lahey's arms and drag the supervisor back to their trailer. "Fuckin idiots."

"Good job for hiding the dope Julian," Ricky said.

"I didn't," Julian said. "It's gone."

"Gone?" Ricky asked. "What the fuck do you mean gone?!"

"I mean it's not here Rick!"

"Fuck!" Ricky shouted as he grabbed Lahey's fallen flash and threw it. "Where the fuck is it?!"

"I believe I can shed some light on that," the voice of Double D said.

"Double D!" Ed happily shouted as he embraced the sock head in a bone crushing hug.

"C-an't brea-the," Double D managed to say as Ed released him. "If you would all please follow me I will explain everything." The five of them followed Double D to the spot where the van was.

"Nice fuckin van," Ricky said as he admired the vehicle while Double D opened the back door. Inside were the stacks of weed for the next deal. "Fuck! Look it's the dope."

"I see that Rick," Julian said as he took a sip of his drink.

"How'd you do this Double D?" Eddy asked.

"Well if you all recall my departure from earlier today, I overheard a certain supervisor talking about involving the police in all of this, so after you had all left I returned and moved everything back here where it would not be discovered," Double D explained.

"Fuckin jeans us!" Ricky exclaimed.

"But I thought you didn't like the idea of us selling dope," Bubbles said.

"In all honesty as much as I am against it, I wasn't about to let my friends get into trouble for it. Speaking of which I hope that close call with the cops has managed to convince the both of you of the danger of getting involved in the drug trade."

"Ed does not want to go to jail, or get grounded."

"Yeah I like money, but I don't want to go to jail for it."

"Fuck this a nice van," Ricky said as he laid down on the water bed. "This sure beats livin' in a car. Tell you what." Ricky reached into his pocket and pulled a few hundred dollars in American cash. "Some dicktree paid for the weed in American so hows about I give you this cash for this sweet fuckin van."

"Deal!" Eddy agreed without a seconds hesitation.

"You know Ricky," Bubbles said. "I was thinking why don't we just take these guys back to America? It's the least we can do for the poor bastards."

"Sure thing buddy," Ricky agreed. "You boys cool with that?" all of the Ed's nodded in agreement. "Alright tomorrow let's get the fuck to America."

"Cheers to that," Ed happily said.

"I wonder if America is anything like the U.S." Ricky asked

"This is going to be a long ride," Double D muttered to himself.

* * *

 **A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this story as I find both shows to be hilarious in their own rights. I hope I was able to express both shows humor in this story, and thank you all for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3 Chickens and Kitties

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ed Edd n Eddy or Trailer Park Boys. They both belong to their respectful owners.**

 **A/N: Will contain spelling and grammar mistakes for Rickyisms.**

* * *

Double D didn't know how much more he could take. He was currently seated in the back of Ricky's car, which the man had labeled The Shitmobile, alongside Ed, Eddy and Bubbles, while Julian sat in the passengers seat as Ricky drove. The car itself was an accident waiting to happen, but as long as it got his friends and himself back to Peach Creek in one peace he would have to endure it, but that was not was bothering him.

The source for his discomfort was that in the back seat Eddy was seated on Ed's lap due to lack of seats (much to the shorter boys displeasure) while Ed himself was in the most ridiculous debate he ever had the displeasure of witnessing with Bubbles.

The hoarse voiced man and the loveable oaf had gotten along when Ricky first started the little road trip back to the United States, which he still assumed was a different country than America despite Double D's efforts to convince him otherwise. However their conversation about wrestling had taken a drastic turn when each brought up their favorite animals in the world: chickens and kitties.

"No fuckin' way," the glasses man said. "Chickens are not better than kitties!" Bubbles seemed to forget his previous aversion of swearing in front of kids if it concerned his kitties.

"Uh-huh they are!" Ed argued.

"Fuck your chickens!" Bubbles hoarsely yelled. "Kitties are a man's best friend."

"Evil Tim is afraid of the mighty chicken," Ed countered.

"Evil Tim ain't real Ed," Eddy grumbled from his clearly uncomfortable position on Ed's lap.

"That's because chickens defeated him Eddy," Ed said to the other boy. "Silly dickens." Ed poked Eddy on the top of his head unknowingly aggravating him.

"You're just lucky I don't have my Green Bastard outfit with me," Bubbles told Ed. "I would have unloaded one on ya."

"And you are lucky Lothar is not here with his flipper," Ed said with his trademark dumb grin.

Bubbles grumbled. "You agree with me right Ricky? Kitties are better than chickens."

Ricky who had one hand on the wheel and the other holding a smoke looked back at them in the rearview mirror. "Ah fuck I don't know buddy," Ricky said as he took a smoke from his cigarette. "I mean cats are great an all, but chickens you can eat em, they got wings so some of them can fly, and they got fingers somewhere on em, I don't know where but their fuckin' tasty."

"Actually," Double D spoke from his seat in the back, "while chickens are a member of the avian family they are incapable of flight due mainly in part to-,"

"Hold up," Ricky cut him off. "Of course chickens can fly. Birds live in the sky fish live in the sea, manamals live on land. Simple fuckin' social studies. You don't need a grade ten or eleven to know that."

"He's right Ricky," Julian said in support of Double D, something the boy was grateful for. "When's the last time you saw a chicken fly?"

"Chickens aren't smart like you and me Julian," Ricky tried to defend his argument as he rested his arm holding his smoke on his car door. "You can't expect them to go flyin' round like one of those hawks on the American flag or some shit."

If this was the kind of stupidity Julian had to deal with every day, then the straight edge Double D could see why the man always had glass of liquor with him.

"I mean chickens are small enough to fly not like those huge fuckin' Emo's that live in Austria," Ricky said as he continued driving.

 _Does he mean Emu's in Australia?_ Double D thought to himself but he refrained from saying anything as it would probably fall on a deaf ear knowing Ricky.

"Victory for chickens!" Ed yelled as he threw his arms up in celebration nearly denting the roof of the car from the force he had applied.

"Quit shouting in my ear ya big lug!" Eddy snapped at Ed. "I'm gonna go deaf before we-,"

"Fuck!" Ricky shouted from the driver's seat as he suddenly slammed on the breaks. The momentum from the sudden stop caused Eddy to go flying out of Ed's lap and plant his face on the front window.

"What the hell's your problem?!" Eddy angrily asked Ricky. Double D would have scolded Eddy for his use of profanity, but given Ricky's abrupt stop he let it slide. That and it would have gone unheard anyways.

"Dropped my smoke," Ricky said as he parked the car in the middle of the road. "Move Julian," Ricky said as he climbed over the passenger seat to the missing door.

"For fuck's sake," Julian said as he was forced to climb out. "It's just one smoke Ricky."

"Yeah and it's my last fuckin' one and I'm not leavin it for some raykin!" Ricky shouted as he picked up the fallen smoke from the street. Much to Double D's disgust Ricky put it back in his mouth like nothing had happened.

"That's highly unsanitary!" Double D told him as he climbed back in the car.

"It's no big deal," Ricky said as he put the car back in drive. "I mean I can't get sasperilla, or maninjesus from smoking something that fell. If I could it would have happened by now."

"Smoking a cigarette that fell on the ground, that's greasy Ricky," Bubbles said to his friend.

"Like gravy," Ed said before smiling at the thought of his gravy filled tub.

"It's not that greasy," Ricky said. "Right Julian?"

"No it's pretty fucking greasy Rick."

That didn't seem to please Ricky. "Well I'm real fuckin' impressed your smart and I'm dumb then Julian. Your smart and I'm just the fuck-dummy."

"Look Ricky you're not a fuck-dummy," Julian said. "You just do a lot of dumb shit is all."

" _Understatement of the millennia,_ " Double D muttered under his breath so no one would hear him.

"We all do dumb things and fuck up Ricky," Bubbles said from the back. "I mean I listened to Conky when I was a kid and that puppet was fucked."

"Yeah, you did," Ricky said as he began to cheer up.

"I ate my bellybutton lint," Ed said without any shame as he too tried to cheer the man up. It would appear to Double D that Ricky knew very well that he was dumb but hated he was too dumb to change.

"See Ricky?" Julian said. "We all do dumb things you're not alone man."

"Thanks boys," Ricky thank them as he visibly cheered up. "How about next restaurant we pass we stop and order some chicken fingers, cus I am fuckin' starving."

"Yeah let's get some grub," Eddy seconded the idea.

"Eat… Chicken… YOU MONSTERS!" Ed yelled in horror at the thought of eating one of his beloved animals.

"Don't see people eatin' kitties," Bubbles said. "I believe I won."

"Pardon me Julian," Double D spoke to the glass holding man.

"What is it?" Julian asked as he turned his head to look back at the sock head.

"If I perish on this trip due to an excessive migraine please leave a sticky note for my parents," Double D requested. He had been right this trip was going to be a long one.


End file.
